Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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