The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
