i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
