if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
