Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
