saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
