I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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