Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Randomize
