i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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