im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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