so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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