What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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