just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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