There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
