This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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