i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
