I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
