The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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