If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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