do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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