I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
