Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize