i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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