last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
