I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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