I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
barbara walters just said penis...
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
whose ass print is on the piano?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
