He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
