He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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