Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
