I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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