I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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