I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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