Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Randomize
