I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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