Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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