Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I fill condoms, not promises.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
