im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
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according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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