finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
