I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
