We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
