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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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