just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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