I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
