think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
