Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
