He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
vagina is talking i cant
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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