We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I want to be your penis for a week.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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