im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
