paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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