I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Every concussion has its silver lining
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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