yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
