ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
