how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Drunk is a universal language darling
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
