finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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