i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
