Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
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