I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
