DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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