hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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