a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
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