please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
