After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
