god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I need to sanitize my soul.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
