Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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