So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
