If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
