How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
