i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
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You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
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My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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