i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
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what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
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I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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