he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
